I Love You Too
by Lif61
Summary: After dealing with Ramiel, Dean is finding it difficult to sleep. On his way to the kitchen to get a beer he finds Castiel all alone in the war room, and the two of them talk about what happened.


Dean couldn't sleep, and after the day he'd had, who could blame him? The insane events just kept running through his head. Him shooting the demon with bullets he'd carved Devils Traps into, and nothing happening. Having to save Sam's life. Finding Wally's dead body. Getting to the barn and seeing Cas covered in blood, only to find out that all that blood belonged to the angel. Crowley showing up and explaining Ramiel's identity, and saying that Castiel wasn't going to make it. Ramiel entering the barn, asking them to give back something they'd stolen, Ramiel escaping the circle of holy fire, and then the fight that had almost cost him his life. He'd be dead if it weren't for Sam. And then, Cas had nearly died right in front of him. Castiel. His best friend. _His family._ He'd almost lost him. The thought was so painful that Dean got out of bed with the intention of going to the kitchen to grab a beer.

On the way there he passed through the war room, and he saw Cas sitting alone at the table, his head in his hands. Instantly, Dean sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

Cas didn't look up when Dean asked him, "Are you okay?"

For a moment there was just silence, and then Castiel heaved a sigh and removed his hands from his face. His eyes were heavy with the weight of what he'd just been through, and Dean shifted closer to him.

"No," he answered gruffly.

Dean hissed in a breath. "I know. Sorry. Stupid question." After a pause, "Is there anything I can do?"

"I think I just need time."

"Anyone would after all that. Hell, it's gonna take me a while to bounce back, and I wasn't even in as terrible a position as you."

Memories flashed through Dean's head, and he closed his eyes. The awful black lines tainting Cas' skin, the horrible froth coming from his mouth. It'd been too much watching him suffer like that. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes, but he didn't wipe them away. And without any warning, he found himself hugging Cas tightly, leaning his head on his shoulder and breathing in his scent. He'd almost lost him, and that terrified him. Castiel's arms were around Dean in an instant, holding him just as tightly.

Dean was unsure how long they stayed like that, but he didn't care. They both needed it.

"Thank you for being with me, Dean," Cas told him softly, and then they pulled apart.

"It's no trouble," he told the angel. "After all, that's what family does for each other. I'd do anything for you, Cas."

"I know you would." Castiel looked away, and Dean's eyebrows furrowed with worry. But then he looked back to him and asked, "Can I talk about it with you?"

Dean gave him a warm smile. "Of course. You don't even have to ask."

"I just know that seeing me like that made you very emotional, so I wasn't sure if-"

Dean cut him off by raising his hand. "Cas, you can always talk to me about anything."

It was then that Cas smiled. It was small and didn't quite reach his eyes, but it was the first one he'd seen since the whole incident with Ramiel.

Castiel lowered his eyes and pursed his lips. Dean waited patiently for him to speak.

"I've lived a very long life Dean, but tonight, that… that was one of the scariest moments I've ever experienced. Not being able to _heal myself_ … it frightened me. I haven't felt such profound terror in a long time."

"That's understandable," Dean told him, taking his hand in his without even a thought. "I was scared too. I can't even imagine what it was like for you."

Castiel looked up, his piercing blue eyes meeting his. "The pain was _awful_ , and I felt so helpless. I _hate_ feeling that helpless, Dean. But that wasn't the worst part."

"No?"

He shook his head. "The worst part was knowing that I'd never get to spend more time with you, or Sam, or Mary. There was suddenly so much I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to experience. And the thought of leaving you behind, _my family_ , it hurt more than my wound. It hurt more than anything."

Tears were in Castiel's eyes when he finished, and Dean was holding back his own. Right now, he knew he had to be strong for Cas.

Castiel continued, "And that was why I said what I did. Why I told you, all of you, how I felt. I'm sorry it took this for me to let you know how much I care about you, and-"

Dean boldly put a finger to his lips, cutting him off. He then removed his hand, and smiled at Cas. His voice broke as he said, "Cas, you always let me know; every single time I'm with you I know. You didn't _need_ to say it. We all knew."

"But putting emotions into words is something humans value, isn't it?"

Dean nodded. "I think it's something anyone can value, really." He leaned closer, and took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to do. Too much had happened. And he was sure Cas knew, but he had to make sure that this was no longer something to be questioned, or something to feel doubt over. This was the truth, and he deserved to hear it. "I love you too, Castiel."


End file.
